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From: Jess Wess
Date: 08 Nov 2000
Time: 23:05:34
Remote Name: 152.163.197.197
Before I begin, remember that every laugh is for a happy memory of Wendy, and every tear is for a happy memory we will never get to make. Please respond as you feel comfortable. I don’t know if I can make it through this, so for me, and the 1/8th of Wendy that’s Jewish -- (Prayer in Hebrew)God is with me and I am not afraid.
In the spirit of Wendy, my five minutes are a multimedia interactive experience, a la the Seventeen magazine quiz o’the month that we all used to take. To prep you, the right answer to every question is “Heck yeah, buster.” Remember interactive means you say it loud and proud.
Question 1: Wouldn’t you do anything for Wendy??? “Heck yeah, buster.” When we were younger, we used to have the JessKarWenBen club, whenever the four of us were left to our own devices. We would make our own makeup and then wear it, even Benjamin, we staged plays of all kinds, we had carnivals where all the rides cost a penny, we sold popsicles, we had art contests, ad infinitum.
The plays we did sometimes were acting out fairy tales, and sometimes a true story, like thanksgiving, and sometimes an original script we made up. But there was one constant: Wendy was always the princess. Ben would have to play every male role, from prince to sorcerer to entire tribes of Indians, Karen and I took on other roles, often being two of something, like two angels, two sisters, and so on, but Wendy was always the princess. Now if you know the Solteros, you know that Karen is the princess, but even Karen would take on another role to let Wendy shine. When I was in college, I let Wendy take my birth certificate downtown and get a driver’s license made with my name and her picture. Those of you who know me know that I am as I have always been: I don’t even like to bend the rules. Wendy Anne Soltero is the only person who could convince me to commit a felony. What was I thinking? I do not know. But to this day I still get junk mail from the Las Vegas hotels she checked into as me.
Question 2: Didn’t you always want Wendy around? “Heck yeah, buster.” You just knew she would make anything more fun. When we would have the JessKarWenBen art contests, we would always have four categories, so that everyone would win something. When this started, Wendy was probably about 2 years old, just able to grab 3 or 4 crayons in a fist and scribble. Our equal opportunity art contest tended to fall into a pattern, just like the plays…There would be a flower category, which I would always win. There would be a person category, in which Karen always drew a princess or fairy or some variation, and an animal category, and it was a toss up on which one Ben or Karen would win. And then there was the abstract art category. Toddler Wendy had a lock on the abstract art, because no matter what she scribbled, it was always better than what the rest of us had tried to do. We invented the abstract art category so that we could include Wendy.
Question 3: Didn’t you always learn stuff from Wendy? “Heck yeah, buster.” When we got older, the age gap between us seemed much smaller. When I graduated from college, Karen was already in L.A., so I would stay with Wendy when Beth and Gene were out of town. It would take all my negligible acting skills to play the role of the responsible party. My one sham of a rule was that Wendy could stay out as late as she wanted, as long as she called in every hour after midnight to tell me where she was. But I was the one always getting into trouble and then getting bailed out by Wendy. When I broke a garage window playing basketball, Wendy was up there on a ladder taping it up with cardboard. When Beau ran away from home while I was in charge, Wendy called up all the neighbors and started a search party. Even at a young age, Wendy always seemed to know exactly what to do, she was always so confident that she would get things done, that she would make things work, and that confidence was contagious, just being around her.
Question 4: Didn’t Wendy inspire you? “Heck yeah, buster.” Being around Wendy made a lot of people want to be more like Wendy, but to be more like Wendy, you really just need to be more yourself. She had the perfect way of loving that thing about you that was the essence of you that was unique. She proved the saying that “Loving someone means helping them be more themself instead of more like you want them to be, but in the end they often turn out to be the same thing.” In the most recent years, our age difference stopped mattering. Whenever she was in town, Wendy and I would go for a walk and talk, and I slowly but surely let down the walls of “I’m older and more experienced” (ha) and “I am supposed to be the wise oldest sister with all the answers.” (haha). Although when it came time to clean up after Max’s fiesta I was suddenly the responsible party again, on walk and talks, Wendy and I could share our life lessons equally, those we had learned since last time, and those we were still working on. We also talked a lot about boys, discovering last December, for example, that we had both kissed the same boy, who I believe is present here today, over ten years apart. You know who you are. These walk and talks could get pretty deep, as conversations with Wendy could. Earlier this year, as we walked around the neighborhood, Wendy and I agreed to both work on respecting ourselves more. We agreed to write to each other once a week to tell of how well we were doing. We were so fired up after that walk, so happy that we could support each other in such a meaningful life lesson.
Count up your answers and see below:
If you answered “Heck yeah, Buster” to one or more questions, then you are a person who was touched by Wendy. It means Wendy inspired you, you learned from Wendy, you would do anything for Wendy, and/or you wanted her to be part of your life. Well you can continue to have these things, if you follow a two step formula: 1. Think about what Wendy would do in your life if she were still on earth. 2. Do it. Whatever Wendy would inspire you to do, take the steps in your life to make it real. You can take your time in thinking it up, it doesn’t have to be today. But when you think of it, make a promise to Wendy to move closer to that potential that she saw in you. You might promise Wendy to stop bickering with your mother because you know she hated it. You might find an old friend here and say, “I miss you, let’s be friends again” because you know Wendy would have eventually brought you back together. You might get help to quit smoking because Wendy would want that for you. You decide, tell Wendy, and then let her spirit inspire you to follow through.
On our last walk and talk, Wendy and I talked about the future. About how she was taking her health into her own hands and how she was creating life on her own terms. As we walked around the Oxy campus and up to mount Fuji, of course we talked about boys, about her most recent love triangle, and even about marriage and children. When we got to the top of the hill, we stopped to look around, and it was just breathtaking. That is how I am going to remember Wendy, looking out over the world from above, surveying her domain and planning what mischief she is going to get to next. Aside from being a free spirit from day one, Wendy was also a miracle baby…it was a miracle that she was even born, and she had health problems galore. Now that she has left the trappings of her earthly body, Wendy is absolutely the free spirit, just now she’s free. I fully intend to continue my walk and talks with Wendy. I also made a promise to Wendy to be a little more spontaneous, to put my top down a little more, to be a little less conventional in my attire. I practiced yesterday and today NOT making my bed, and I am going to continue working on respecting myself more since that’s what we were working on.
I am not saying let Wendy’s death make a difference in your life, I am not saying don’t be sad, because we all wish that she could be here in person. You are strong even if you cry, they don’t negate each other. What I am saying is let Wendy’s life continue to make a difference in your life, the same difference she was making while she was alive. If you do, you will keep a spark of Wendy in your heart forever. You will change the world if you keep your promise to Wendy, and that will keep her alive.
I will not say a permanent goodbye to Wendy today, just a See ya later, because I know I will see you soon in my memories and my dreams. But I am going to miss you Wanda, so come visit me any time.
May God bless us and help us through this difficult time. Amen.