[ Home | Contents | Post | Reply | Next | Previous | Up ]
From: Josh
Date: 26 Feb 2001
Time: 03:10:13
Remote Name: 172.146.192.162
I haven't been on here since I posted the two poems at Christmas. Something happened in the cemetery that day where I let go of something and Wendy was ready for me to look more forward than back. But tonight I was ready to look back again. Ironically, the thing most difficult for me to read was the very poem that I posted FROM WENDY. That'll teach me, huh?
A note to Carrie...you really should've gone in the Monster Bar! Although, to be fair, Wendy always did moan and groan when I tried to take her out with me. She basically said it was just a giant frustrating tease which is the same reason that I rarely hit the bars with her. Fair 'nuff. But I do wish I could've heard what the inside of the Monster Bar was like. And if you think I'm coming to NY to find out, you are so very mistaken.
On another random note, I've started calling my dog "Chloemonster" lately, and this is something I had never done before, and I did not read the monster posts until just now. Beth...you were right. She communicates through animals. I've also let Chloe nap with me a few times, and she no longer insists on licking my face every few minutes so she gets to stay. I KNOW that was Wendy's doing. Everytime I let her up on the bed, I tell her, "You have your Aunt Wendy to thank for this, ya know." And everytime I kick her off the bed, I hear my half-asleep self saying, "Wendy, shut up."
I remember having dinner with Karen and Gene and Laura at some point within a few weeks of the shooting. (I still don't know what to call it yet...words seem too small to describe something so earth-shattering. Anyway, I digress...as usual...) The exact time is a bit muzzy as is most other events in my life for 2 months. However, I do remember a quiet moment in the chat at the table when Gene turned to me and said, "Josh...be funny. Now." I knew it was payback for my Wendy story...and yet I just couldn't. I had no real humor in me. I was able to laugh at external stimuli, but I couldn't originate humor from within. And I was so upset that that had been taken from me because it was so horribly wrong that I would lose my humor. That's what Wendy always gave to me, and then I couldn't find it anywhere to give back.
I've started to find it again. I hope everyone else is starting to find whatever they lost, too. Well, as much as can be found again, I suppose. You know what I mean.
All the best, Josh TxJoshInLA@aol.com