Checking in after too long/personal vent

From: Josh to Wendy
Date: 22 Feb 2002
Time: 04:37:51 -0500
Remote Name: 64.12.103.53

Comments

Last weekend, an 18 year old was killed while driving his SUV on the 405 in Los Angeles. I didn't know him, but some of my friends did, and they are now dealing with the sudden loss of a friend. I realized while talking to them about it that I miss the luxury that comes with being empathetic now that I live in the world of the sympathetic. I tried posting a message on the website that they set up, but I'm not sure if it went through or not yet. Wendy, you should keep your eyes open for him. His name is Ryan, and he's cute (from the pics on the website, it would seem so, anyway). Yes, he's gay, but that never stopped you from flirting before now, did it? Apparently, he loved a good party, so I'm sure you'll find him. More importantly, I hope you've met Matthew's mom. I wanted to post something right after she died, but I just couldn't for some reason. But her name is Connie and she's a funny blonde with a cute pixie type haircut. She wanted to be Tinkerbell at Disneyland, but apparently someone else beat her out for the job. Bitch. Connie would've made a great Tinkerbell. On the website for the kid who was killed (Ryan), one of the guys said his puppy has been acting strangely and he knows it's Ryan making it happen. I gotta say that, along those same lines, you've been a bit pushy with Chloe lately. I couldn't even get her off the bed one night and I ended up not sleeping well at all because Chloe was tossing and turning but wouldn't get off either and I think that's all you! Things are good. Matthew is wonderful. Work is good. My writing and creativity is on the rise. And my horoscope for this week basically says "Look out because this guy is movin' on up!" (Insert "The Jeffersons" theme here. Ha ha...now you'll have it in your head for the next half hour.) Mostly, I'm at peace and I'm happy. Those are two things that I never expected to happen in my whole life. In the posting on the other site, I tried to explain that when someone dies suddenly, their energy is still there, and it's up to us to live our lives in such a way that we continue to share it and spread it around. "What Would Wendy Do?" can be applied more universally to everyone (everyone too unfortunate not to have met you, anyway). The real question is: "What SHOULD I be doing with myself?" If we always answer that question honestly, I think we're honoring Wendy. I miss Wendy, and I know I would've learned these lessons sooner or later anyway, but I'm glad that I learned them when I did and I'm glad that I'm doing things in a way that I think would make Wendy happy with me. I'm glad that I didn't miss the lessons that were there for the learning. I'm glad that I let it hurt me enough to make me make some changes rather than shielding myself from the pain and trying to keep walking a path that was wrong for me in an effort to avoid the tough stuff. I'm also glad because I think my November Curse is over. I know I'll be paranoid late October and the first few weeks of Novemeber forever, but at least I now feel that I've accepted that Shit Happens at any old time. It's strange, but I'm almost relieved to know that bad stuff can just pop up out of nowhere because it also means that good stuff can just pop up out of nowhere. This was a very tired, personal posting and it probably made no sense to anyone but me and Wendy. I also know this posting is going in and out of whom I am speaking to. Deal. I needed to get it off my chest. Because I miss Wendy and it isn't fair that I have this life which makes me so happy that I cry sometimes and I can't share it with Wendy. I'm sure she knows in her own way, but it's still a bit of a pain in the ass on my end of things. to quote Lily Tomlin:"...and that's the twooth. Pbbbbtttttttttttttth." P.S. As I'm getting ready to send this, I got one of those unsolicited Instant Messages trying to get me to go to a porn website. However, I think Wendy is playing with me a bit because the screenname is Wendy18f20 and here's the IM: " Wendy18f20: hey whats up, I'm Wendy. I was looking for fun people online and I found your name :) I just started a web design class and made my first page." Thanks for saying hi back, Wendy...I appreciate the medium, too. It's very you. :-)